Friday Hell

Woke up feeling tighter then the day before. I was defintely tighter but also flatter, which is not flattering at all. In BB terms the full was not full. with little fluid rolling in the skin empties out. From 3am or so I had started eating every 1.5 hours, two or three sweet potatoe pieces, two rice cakes with natural pb. I would learn to hate all of this for the next two days. In the am, it was sort of neat to watch all this happening. This would end shortly there after.
After alittle more mandatory posing work, I was given the go ahead with nothing more that could be done from the posing coaches. The next step was my first two coats of Protan. At first, I thought this would be the worst of it all but it was jsut weird. We(Kevin and I) went out back with me in my drawers. This by itself is odd and you have to feel strong adn confident about your manness to do this. So I am out back with Kevin in my boxers getting painted. the spray is cold and stinks. There are no showers after this, just Protan adn smelling liek biscuits for for two days. i will get to the biscuit part later. Now as if it wasn't bad enough being in my drawers out back behind the gym, all the members have to come out and watch this strange fetish deviant behavior going on. I am long past it already and don't care about anyting except the finish line so anything goes at this point. Watch on they did and commented on it-subarban housewives, gym dudes-the train wreck is on. Getting painted is a long process and take about a hour for teh two coats.Essentially, it is like staining a deck. You sprat on then use a brush to speard it around. Kevin taps out and that is it for the primer coats. The rest adn their is alot more then Protan is left up to the Wifey.
My energy was already down and I was hating it. I thought to myself if I were not doing this show, this morning is exactly what I wanted to look like since the inception of the diet. Abs all out, vascularity beyond what I wanted, skin thin and pulled back as far as this lifelong fat could could pull back. Now, the water would be gone mostly and not knowing it at the time, it would be the one thing I would want over any dessert, hamburger, fries ice cream or anything in the whole wide world.
The real suffering begins. Not the two-three hours of cardio, not the zero carb days for 5 days straight, not the no cheat meals for the last 2 months,wearing a bananna hammcock in front of hundreds of people -none of this would compare to Friday and Saturday> These two days were the most intense anxiety ridden, raging temper, no sleep days I have ever expierenced-ever. every second on these two days were only thoughts of eating,drinking and stopping the torture. Of course, your intensity and anxiety raise everyone's around you as well. You don not have any friends these two days and everyone wants to kill you as your temper tantrums get worse and worse. Every bad thought comes out as soon as you think it. there is no governer on your mouth. The ugliness in you comes out and everyone has their own no matter what you say.It is a test of how much someone cares about you that they should not have to go through but you just can not stop it. Even the Xanax stopped working. This is the only way to describe it. It also makes you realize how easy we have it here. Go without water, carbs, food for a couple of days and you will see what I am talking about. We got it made here.
I go home about 9am to finish up and lay down for a hour or two. I have to wait on the Wifey to get done at the gym and we are suppose to leave about 1230p or 1pm. This already pissed me off as we have to meet the promoter of the show who is going to help us. She calls about 11 saying the relief is stuck somewhere regitering for school. I go nuts but there is nothing that can be done. I lay in the chair sweating with the ceiling fan on, a oscillating fan on me and the a/c down to 60 something trying to nap stewing over this. No reason, stuff out of my control but anger wide open. I did not nap even though I am tried from eating 2 or 3 times in the night before adn about 2 hours of sleep. The rice cakes adn penut butter start to irritate adn scrap my mouth and I am coughing up some nice yellow allergy lougies.
She gets home about 115-130 adn we get going about 2pm with me bitching the whle time about leaving late and not getting there on time. She is mad too at the at watching people who did not want to come by and meet all the cats. It's one of her things, whoever checks on them has to meet all them and get a head count. We have 8 so trying to get 8 cats in a house at one time is not a easy job. She offers to drive and that is a good thingexcept there is a moonsoon going on all the way to Charleston adn she hates driving my truck. So basically a hour and half of Granny driving and me hollering at her about her sloew driving whach only makes her more pissed and nervous so she drive even slower. I shovel rice cakes, natural peanut butter and sweet potatoes in along with a muscle sandwich or two because I am freaking out about going flat. Yes, going flat. Constantly checking my stomach and body. This might be worse then any food addiction.
We get to Tres house and it's still raining. I start freakin out about my paint job and having to do it all over again so I run into his house gym. The next torture is putting my bananna hammock on. This is the strangest feeling. Super tight underwear like a bikini. I got a X large but they are too small. Too late now, I would spend my time in these panties tucking and retucking the taters and making sure the burlap was not hanging out. Adjustments were frequent and many throughout the weekend. There is no modesty even in the midst of several fitness adn figure girls. You just don't care. Getting back to Tres gym. We go through some of the poses again and he ehlps relax me except when he grabs both sides of my panties and hauls them up wedging me on both angles to give me that x shape as he called it-just palin old camel toe and butt floss if you ask me. I still don't really care about anything at this point. These things register but never take hold in anxiety or nervousness like they would under noraml conditions. After a half hour, we hanging out BS-in while I am in my drawer-kinis. I get the green light on everything and some great praise for the 109lb I have dropped adn where I have take it. This is nice but all I want is a glass of water. No water for me.
We take off to check into the hotel. It's a 20-30 minute haul in the moonsoon that is still going on. We get there and she has to cross the road to get there but will not go. There is enough room to driv two semis through this hole but she will not go until the light changes. This light, of course, is the longest lasting light in Charleston. Yep, I am pissed and scream for her to turn. This only makes it worse. Finally, the light changes for 2 seconds adnd we puch through. I offer to go into checkin with her but she makes me wait in the car. I shovel a extra muscel sandwich down because my schizoness says I am geting flat.
Weigh in is my next dilema and I want to get there before anyone else because i get Steak and fries for supper and that's all I can think about. For a brief second,I think I am over 205 adn would be considered a superheavy(yes Superheavy,not my idea of superheavy) I weigh in at 194lb. I have not seen this in 10plus years and this its me alittle but fades quick thinking about the steak and fries. We can't get to Outback fast enough. My thoughts then turn to cole and water. I get 6oz of coke at dinner and nowater. The Wifey orders the drinks adn has them put on her side because she knows I will down them if they are on my side. She talks about this and that-olypics, weather. All I can do is stare at the coke adn water on her side and think to myself.Please don't talk. The steak and fries come and go. I ate them without taking my eyes off teh coke and water. I try to save them for the end but I take a drink and chug 2 or 3oz of my 6oz total right away. I take a splash of water her and there. Barely enough to wet the lips. They are both better the steak adn fries put together.
We eat and head back to the room. I have to check in adn report progess. Did you drink any water is the first thing said. I say a couple of swallows. I did lie about the coke, I probablly drank 8-10oz in my frantic chugs. We get settled in the room adn start the next round of painting, only the butt has to get covered(kevin refused to do this) this time. We get 2 coats on and have to take a break. After some chair sweating, two more coates. She is wearing latex gloves because this shit stains your skin and I am puttin on more on top of that. Once it drys some, you have to put the sealer on it which is called competition tan. It is black like oil adn you have to use the gloves again to put it on. Arund 7 or so, we are all done. I get to sit down for a moment then it is eating time again. The day before, I cooked 20 or 25 sweet potatoes all cut up in 25g slices in 10 or 15 baggies. By this time they ar mushing some as cinnimon adn sweet low drip off them onto my hands blacking them even more. Thoughts race in and out about my insanity doing this ridiculous shit, but they go away as fast as they come. you don't even have time to argue with yourself or reason. I guess if you were watching it on tv it would be one of zombie movies "Dawn of the Dead or Day of the Dead, Resident Evil" or any of these movies where the zombie is eating brains or flesh. This was basically me at this point hammering the sweet potatoes and rice cakes and looking up occasionally to growl or grimace. Although I had to slow down on the rice cakes or choke.
By this time, it's 8pm and I am dead tired and try to fall asleep while staring at the 1.5 liter Smart water by the TV. I put my eye mask on and try to put the water out of my head. The Wife is watching the Olympics(She loves the Olympics and it doe not matter what sport is on). This annoys me for some unknown reason or knowing she just drank a whole Coke while I was laying there. I lay there in slience for a hour or two and finally nod off and have the most violent adn strange dreams I can remember. 1141pm, I am wide awake and hungry but not wanting eat. I get up and go to the bathroom and for some insane reason, I turn the light on to see if I am flat or not. I think I am flat so I have all the usual and a muscle sandwich to fill my muscles back up. This would go on and on throughout the night but that is Saturday, Day 2 of my own personal hell.